Darien
by natashasurgirl
Summary: I've been fighting myself for nearly two weeks since the day that you told me you didn't love me anymore. I wondered how you could tell me you loved me one day, kissing me passionately, calling me your meatball head, just to say that our love was in the past the next.


**Darien**

**By Natasha Conley**

Teardrops fell from her downcast eyes, hitting the pink stationery sprawled across the table. Blonde hair pooled around her, covering her tiny frame like a waterfall. She sniffled, wiping her cheeks and looked up at the ceiling. She held her hands up to her chest, squeezing a golden star locket; a gift she had been given by someone who used to say that he would never stop loving her.

Now he doesn't say that anymore. Now every word that comes from his lips are toxic and painful to her ears. Lazy, annoying, and needy. Clingy. Childish. He should just say he means: Worthless.

Her heart felt raw. She wasn't sure what she expected. Forgiveness for whatever she had done to spark his anger? A reason maybe? She sighed, placing the locket on the table next to a picture of her and her ex-lover. She looked at the picture longingly, imagining that the old times where they held hands and walked through the park were still real. She used her left index finger to trace his shoulder up to his neck, and around his jaw, until her fingertips reached his lips.

"Why?" Serena whispered to the picture, more tears reaching the corners of her eyes. "Why don't you love me anymore, Darien?"

Of course she hadn't gotten a response when she asked him in person. She probably never would. Whenever she asked such a simple question, he would roll his eyes, swiftly turn around and walk the other way. Darien wouldn't man up enough to tell her what he was feeling or thinking. Rather than go there, rather than express what was making him act this way, he'd tell her she wouldn't understand. She felt as though he didn't see her as a woman. Only as a child like Rini who was incomprehensible of adult things.

Serena picked up her pink ballpoint pen, uncapping the bunny lid, and placed a piece of stationery in front of her to write on. She sucked on a bunny ear, thinking about how to express her emotions. When she knew how to say what she was feeling, she began to write, curling her letters in perfect cursive.

_Dear Darien,_

_I've been fighting myself for nearly two weeks since the day that you told me you didn't love me anymore. I wondered how you could tell me you loved me one day, kissing me passionately, calling me your meatball head, just to say that our love was in the past the next. I questioned your reasoning, I imagined that maybe you were playing a cruel joke on me, but it didn't take long to learn that you were not._

_After a week, when you still hadn't come back to me after I begged you and pleaded you, I thought about some of the things that you said. How I'm lazy, and immature. That you didn't need someone like me because you deserved someone who had the same tastes and interests as you. I tried to change who I was for you, but it proved to be impossible._

_I just couldn't understand the math equations, I didn't enjoy reading the old poems or listening to classical music. I became frustrated when trying to read some of Amy's biology books. Changing my personality was too hard, and I gave up easily. After that, I realized that maybe you were right. Maybe I'm not the right girl for you. Maybe I'm not the right girl for anyone else either…_

_Every time I see you, it's like I'm Humpty Dumpty after the fall. I'm broken, shattered into a million pieces, and no matter what, no one can save me. Not even my Sailor Guardians. No single person can fix heartbreak, only time can._

_I hate being connected to you, I hate our link. It rips my heart out every time that you save me in the knick of time. Feeling your touch, being wrapped in your arms, only able relish in your warmth for a few moments before you let me loose into the world again... It makes me weak, unable to fight on my own without you by my side. I need you next to me, not watching from a distance, staying close just in case you're needed. I wish that if you didn't want to be there that you just wouldn't show up at all, because the longer you stay away is more time I have to get over you._

_But do you want that?_

_It's like every time I start to feel independent you show up. Sometimes to pick up Rini, other times to simply walk into me at the Crown Fruit Parlor. You know my schedule. Surely, you know you pull on my heartstrings, and make me desire the love that you used to have for me? Don't you, Darien? Please stop this, you're breaking me!_

_How am I supposed to go away and escape you? You are everywhere I am. Darien, everywhere I go there is a memory of you! You're like a phantom haunting me. You're like a poltergeist who gets enjoyment from making me cry with each passing thought._

_I see you when I run to school or go to the arcade. I pass you by at the park, I walk right past your apartment on the way back from school! When I smell roses and close my eyes, your face is all I can envision. I'm dying a little more each and every day._

_I feel my heart crumble like ice in an ice crusher when you actually speak to me. You are cold and ruthless. It's like you are choosing your words carefully, picking the best ones to strike me with like a snake. You poison my heart and mind with each insult. It's a slow death, waiting for you to fill the blood in my veins and stop my heart with your words._

_I promise that if you let me, I will stay away from you. I will take a different route to school. I'll even go as far as to shop at different stores and stay away from the arcade. I have only one request…_

Serena inhaled deeply. She wiped away more tears, and sniffled her nose once more.

_Please, don't hate me for loving you._

She put her pen down, folding the fancy paper in half, and grabbed an empty envelope to stuff it into. She takes a box covered in golden crescent moons from underneath her bed. Delicately the letter is tucked away with the others. These were the letters she had written out of heartache, but was simply too scared to share with Darien.

After all, what use were these feelings to a man who didn't love her?

None.

That's why it was better to keep them to herself.

**Please Review! -Natasha**


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